365 Days and Counting

Happy Birthday my sweet Girl.
She's 12 today. And counting the days to being a teenager.

I have so many messages I hope she hears (both spoken and unspoken).
Here are a few I hope get through:

~Don't rush to grow up; there is no rewind feature for life.
~Just be a kid; allow yourself that indulgence.
~Study hard. School is valuable, even if it doesn't seem like it now.
~Laugh. Laugh hard and often.
~Cry. Cry whenever you want and for as long as you want. It's perfectly acceptable.
~Make lots of different kinds of friends. Don't put all your focus on only one friend. Learn when they aren't your friend anymore and let them go.
~Make your own choices; even the difficult ones.
~Ask for help. You are not alone in this life.
~Forgive. Forgive yourself and forgive others.
~Trust. Trust us to support you in every way. Learn how and when to trust others.
~Love. Love yourself. Love others. Love yourself some more. Love life.
~Have fun! Have so much fun you have to sort through the stories when you recount them to your children and grandchildren because telling them all would take too long.

My end of the bargain:

~I will let you "just be a kid". In fact, I will fight for it. Even when that makes you angry. At the same time allowing you to grow up...I know that is, and will continue to be, the hardest part.
~I will still check your homework and keep up with your teachers and be involved in your life. I will encourage you to do her best, and understand and accept when you have.
~I will laugh hard. And often. Even when its embarrassing and inappropriate.
~I will cry; showing you that it is perfectly acceptable to do so.
~I will have a variety of friends. And be an example of how to let them go...healthily.
~I will make the difficult choices. And the easy ones. And own them.
~I will show you how to ask for help. And how to be okay with it.
~I will work on forgiveness, and understand that nobody is perfect, not even me. (Maybe I'll learn how to forgive myself in the process.)
~I will continue to learn how to trust. Even trust myself.
~I will love you! Unconditionally. Forever.
~We will have fun! I will have fun with you, around you and even without you. But rest assured, fun will be had. There will be stories to recount to you; and when you ask a million times, I will continue to repeat them.

Happy Birthday, my amazing, beautiful Girl.
I love you.

Now, I gotta go...I have promises to keep.
And 365 days to keep at bay.

Remembering the Dream

"Men often hate each other because they fear each other; they fear each other because they don't know each other; they don't know each other because they can not communicate; they can not communicate because they are separated." ~ Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. (courtesy Wikiquote, click on the quote for more from Dr. King)

Dr. King had a dream, in fact, he had many. He had the same dreams I think many of us have, at some point, and possibly in our own way. He dreamt of a togetherness and of freedom and of love.

I have a dream too. I have some of the same dreams he did. I dream that my kids will know they have a future, that they will know this world is theirs to make of it what they can. And that those dreams can not be taken away from them, as these dreams are theirs.

So, today, when you've had your children home from school and you've been lucky enough to have the day off work...remember who this day is in remembrance of...and most of all....dream. In doing so, I hope you teach your children to dream.

Vampire Love

I have read the Twilight saga, I am fully ensconced in the Sookie Stackhouse/Southern Vampire series, and am truly, madly, deeply in love with Showtime's TrueBlood series.

(P.S. I read the books WAY before the show was in production talks, I will have you know.)

And while I won't jump on my sturdy soapbox for my love or hate for any of the aforementioned entertainment, I did want to share with you the vampires I am, and will always be, enamored with.

I am positive you will love them too (if you don't already!).

*Someone found a victim...

Confessions of an Embarrassed Woman aka The Post that Makes You Say "Blugh"

I discovered something on our camping trip over the holiday. I learned a lesson about thinking before acting. I discovered what...well, let me back up and tell this story in order.

Beast and I decided we would play a game of cards by lantern and campfire light before going to bed. We spent the day on Long Beach with the kids playing in the sand, flying kites, making s'mores and watching amazing fireworks. I sat on the bench and when I moved I felt my pants stick, like I had sat in something sticky. So I stood, touched the back of my pants to figure out what it was and sure enough, there was about a 1/4 inch of something sticky on my pants. I assumed it was residual candy from the Boy having sat in that vicinity earlier in the day enjoying his parade loot.

So I smelled my fingers. Nothing.

Then, since we didn't have running water, I made the big mistake of licking my finger.
I think I was tired.
I think I may have been delirious.
I think I may have just not been thinking.
Really? Was this the best way to clean my hand?
Probably not.

A few minutes later, before sitting back down in anything that might still remain on the seat, I used the lantern to inspect the bench.
This is the moment I realized things had gone horribly wrong.
The ONLY thing on that bench was what looked like bird poop. Yes, bird poop. So, I turned to the Beast and asked if what was on my pants was white.
His only response was hysterical, blinding, pee-inducing laughter.
It was the only answer I needed to make me realize all the other options I had other than LICKING. THE. BIRD. SHIT. OFF. MY. FINGERS.

For the record, bird poop tastes like nothing. Not in the nothing-you-have-ever-tasted-before sense, truly, it tasted like nothing. But still, I was, and still am, incredibly skeeved out.

Wishing and Hoping

So often lately, I find myself with this thought: "I wish I could attach a little video camera to my kids".

I remember when they were babies, they would do something I thought was amazingly noteworthy and I would think "Oh, isn't that cute!?! I have to tell so-and-so." The problem lied in the re-telling. Replaying the event or little moment verbally never seemed to do it justice--it just wasn't the same as when you were there.

Whether it was the way the Girl would talk to her imaginary dog friend, locking it in the bathroom, telling it she'd be "wight back" or if it was the Boy, laying on his back laughing at American Idol doing frog kicks, going nowhere fast. These images are ingrained in my memory, but I am also sadly aware of all the moments that I have already forgotten, thinking at the time that there was no way they could ever do something cuter or greater than the moment they had just awed me with.

This Easter these thoughts blazed through my head and heart as I watched the way the Girl, all of 11 years old, came down the stairs and gasped when she glimpsed her Easter basket resting up against the new lamb from Build-a-Bear. That wish was there when the Boy just kept breathlessly saying "wow", for the first time in that context, every time he saw something else that just seemed so GREAT. I wonder if I will remember the way he really "got" Easter this year. I wonder how much longer the Girl will "believe".

It saddens me to imagine that some day, these memories may, like so many others, disappear from the recesses of my overloaded brain. In an attempt to postpone that as long as possible, I intend to grab every one of these magnificently breathtaking moments and envelope them in a massive Mama Bear Hug and hold tight hoping with all my heart that they don't wriggle free.

PINECONES ARE AWESOME!!!!

Doth Mine Eyes Deceive Me?

A Wordless Wednesday and a Love Thursday all in the same week!?!

Yup, that's right. Seeing is believing!

It could be said that I am having a productive week, being all attentive to your needs.

Or...I am feeling guilty about not having given my best effort to my poor blog and bloggy followers (there are a few of you out there I think).

Either way...YOU WIN!

Technically, this is a Love Thursday post.

Technically, I am writing it on Wednesday.

I am not into technicalities, so you'll take it. And you'll like it!

The Beast planned a sweetly romantic outing on Valentine's Day which I tried to ruin because I hate surprises. We had a picnic at a nearby beach park that Beast found by putting his super investigative powers to good use. While we were walking along the beach we happened upon a shelter of sorts. It was apparent to us that teenagers most likely built it, but damn those teenagers are talented! I, of course, go nowhere without a camera (count your blessings) and was lucky enough to take too many a few photos.

Rear view snicker as we stumbled upon this awesome shack:

Full Frontal snicker again:

The requisite 'self timer' photo (we don't have many of us that we both like so YAY!):

It's all in the details:

And a true Love Thursday (Beast now understands why I have sidewalk chalk in my camera bag-he'll never doubt my sanity again):

Love Thursday to all. Give yourself a little love this time around, ok snicker, giggle, snicker?

Love Thursday, a Little Late

My Love Thursday post this week is again, materialistic. I refuse to feel badly about that. Heh!
I am so in love with these designs right now, I bought the Valentine's Day window clings, the picture frame and these very sturdy, very adorable place mats at Target. They are so whimsical and sweet they make me want to puke dance on tiptoes!
I did however, hold myself back from the towels, rugs and photo holders.
I do have some self control.

Love Thursday, Happy New Year

I have discovered that I love the Oceanside, California beach on Christmas day(well, the day after this year anyway). Though I am a Washington girl at heart, and acclimating to a warm and sunny Christmas was difficult at first, I now embrace it and look forward to it. I found the largest moments of peace on the beach this Christmas.

Here are a few Love Thursday shots from that day.
Wishing you 52 Thursdays filled with Love this year.

Love Thursday, a Tad Early

Since I'll be out of town visiting family in SoCal (don't be a hater) until the day after Christmas, I wanted to leave you with my Love Thursday post. It's long to cover both Thursdays that I will miss. You're welcome.

This Love Thursday, I am celebrating accomplishments.
I love that I am in a place in my heart and mind that I can acknowledge the good things I do and the things I like about myself, as well as reveling in the warm fuzzies that accompany completion of tasks I take on. This isn't something I've ever been able to do, for fear of sounding conceited, tooting my own horn...well, you get the picture.

I completed the "25 Days of Christmas" altered book for my parents-in-law, complete with photos and embellishments, prior to our trip. This is the first book I have done, and while daunting in it's task, I thoroughly enjoyed making this book. I showed it off to friends without a moment of awkwardness or self-criticism. This has been hard to come by for a very long time.

I am tickled and very happy that I was able to carve time out with my kids and bake dozens upon dozens of holiday cookies. This was the first season that I have felt the drive to do this, had the energy to follow through on my promise to bake and been able to have both my kids' participation. This is also the first time that I haven't felt the burning desire to "just do it myself" because it would be faster or less stressful. I truly enjoyed every second of the time I spent creating, tasting, mixing and baking (of course not in that order) with them. They obviously seemed to enjoy themselves as well. I can't help but be certain that this has brought us all a touch closer. Must be that Christmas magic.

When we went to SoCal for Christmas in 2006, I didn't want to waste the time to put up trimmings we wouldn't be around to enjoy. This decision, mixed with the 80 degree California weather (I enjoyed it, don't get me wrong) made it impossible for me to hold onto any Christmas spirit I might have been able to muster in the first place. This year, having realized this mistake, we put the Christmas tree up and it has made a world of difference. Even though it took us three days to finally get the decorations on the tree, we have enjoyed the brilliance of it every moment since. Since I'm such a perfectionist and more than a little anal retentive, I am proud to also recognize that I haven't moved a single ornament that the kids placed an inch apart, or the same color next to each other, or hanging at the very edge of the branch, etc... The surprising, and most important, fact about this accomplishment is that I haven't wanted to.


Yet with all the holiday busyness, the baking, the decorating, the project completing, the playing in the snow and all the normal day-to-day happenings, I was still able to find the time to relax, enjoy myself and just be spontaneously silly.

And for all of these accomplishments that might seem 'normal' or common to others, for me, they have been a constant struggle. I'm not afraid or embarrassed to admit these things. And for that sole reason...I am proud.

My Christmas wish for you: take time out to be silly, stay up late to enjoy those cookies without worrying that your ass will suffer the consequences and just enjoy this time with your families.

See you back here after Christmas. I hope you have the best one yet.

Giving Thanks

Today, I am thankful for:

• My family and the joy they bring me
• The good health of my children and the fact that they can crack me up every single day, thus proving that everything will be alright after all.
• That I can recognize this too shall pass, and it usually does
• My regained courage to take control of my life and truly make it something I want to keep living
• My friends and the knowledge that they certainly bring understanding, love and laughter to my life on a constant basis

Thank you!
*I know, this post is totally cliche but really, I am quite thankful for all that I have been allowed to receive in this lifetime and for everything yet to come.