"Aha!" Moment, Captured

While perusing a helpful website, I unexpectedly ran across some "Words of Wisdom".

The last one on the page; the last one I read; for a reason, I imagine, was this:


Expectations are just premeditated resentments.


I went to the site without a conscious reason.
I think I found my reason. I needed to get this message today. I am aware of that, at least.

I'll try to think of expectations in this way, because boy, how often it is true for me is overwhelming.

Exploring

Last year, I started following a television series called Ruby, maybe you've heard of it. Maybe you've watched it. At first it was just inspirational to watch someone attempt to save herself from herself. I thought she had such strength and determination, all while having that slightly annoying Southern ditsy-drama queen thing going for her. (This is not to be taken as an insult to my Southern friends, I have personally had experience with this type of Southern Belle, and this is not to be taken as a blanket statement.) I love Ruby. I love her courage, faith and sense of humor.

Ruby, like myself, is missing chunks of her life in her memory banks. There are many spans of years she can't remember a single thing that happened. So do I. I connected to her on that level until she decided to visit her old school. I didn't understand why. I didn't think it would help, and I was seriously judgemental about her reaction.

That was a year ago.
And an experience ago.

Last weekend, I pointed out my mom's old place to a friend. Then I decided to stop there. This place, seen previously as my mom's old home, became something more for me. I expected to point out the poor decision making that went into this home of theirs, this weird situation I found them in but what I didn't expect was to feel. You see, I never lived there. They moved to this property after I no longer lived at home. I visited. My daughter spent the night. Even I spent the night. It felt a lifetime ago, and in a sense, it was.

I didn't expect to be affected by this place. I thought I was detached from it. I thought that I had no feelings attached to it.
I was wrong.
This place brought back a lot of memories for me. A lot of pain. A lot of anguish. A lot of fear and loneliness I didn't even know I felt at that time. I know now, mostly because I am no longer in that place in my life and honestly I am no longer that girl.

This place suddenly felt less pathetic and more sad to me. Sad that my mother had valid hopes when she established that home. Sad that she is unable to see her repetitive actions. Sad that I keep expecting her to, even when I no longer think I have any expectations of her.

I suppose I get it now, Ruby. I get why you went back to that place. If it affected you in the way revisiting this place did for me, and the memories came flooding back, I can understand why you would want to keep doing it. Keep visiting these places. Keep pushing your memory to...well...remember; to release those memories to you again and trust that you can handle them.

I am curious now. I am curious about the dozens of other places we have lived. I am curious if I could get my memories back if I visited them.

I am curious, scared and exhilarated at the thought.

I get it, and I'm sorry for the judging.

I am there too.

Wordless Wednesday ~ SQUIRREL

Opposites Day

Dear McDonald's Patrons:
In an effort to find the positive in things, and possibly be less catty (for a minute at least, what do you want from me?) I want to take a moment to thank you for a few things. I mean, I REALLY want to give you props.

I want to thank those parents who don't allow their children to come over to the table where my three-year-old is trying desperately to not be distracted. Thank you for teaching your brats to keep their hands to themselves and not take his Happy Meal toy...off his tray...at HIS table...after I have asked them twice not to...while giving you dirty looks.
Thank you.

I would like to thank those parents who realize that ragged footy pajamas are not appropriate at lunch time in Playplace on a six-year-old. (Assuming she is six-years-old is being generous, trust me.)
Thank you.

Also, to expand on that gratitude, I will thank the parents who don't then have their generously-six-year-old girl change into actual clothes in the middle of a Playplace that has a bathroom RIGHT THERE. IN THE PLAYPLACE. While she screams that boys will see her naked, and "please mommy, can we just go in the potty".
Thank you.

I want to thank the parents who don't allow their children to literally walk on the 3" wide window sill behind the booth we are sitting at, who subsequently fall down onto the booth we are sitting at and crying for what feels like several minutes while a stranger consoles them until their mother finally realizes where the wailing is coming from and that it is, indeed, her spawn.
Thank you.

I would like to thank the parents who teach their children not to climb the outside fence of the Playplace. You know, the one that says "do not play on fence". Yes, that one. Thank you.

In addition, it is my pleasure to thank those parents who made today's outing the most eventful and interesting hour of my week. Thank you.

Lastly, but certainly not least, I want to thank the parents who follow through on a playdate they set up with a certain three-year-old boy who gets very upset when he is told for three days that his friend will be having lunch with him in Paradise...er...McDonald's... I would also like to thank that same parent for calling to tell me they will not make it to said playdate. A very special thank you for that.


You know...maybe I just shouldn't have gone out in public today.

Smooches,
Buttercupyaya


P.S. that may have been less catty, but the snark? I will always give you a bit o' the snark! You're welcome.

Wordless Wednesday: Puppy Love

{Quickie} Fast & Funny

Scene: driving down Highway 99 in South Everett

The Girl: Mom, what is Honey's.
Me (fully anticipating the look of horror that would elicit from her face upon answering): a strip club
The Girl: EWWWWWWW!
The Boy (without missing a beat): I want you take me to Honey's, Mommy. I love it.

We laughed.
We laughed hard.
Seriously.

365 Days and Counting

Happy Birthday my sweet Girl.
She's 12 today. And counting the days to being a teenager.

I have so many messages I hope she hears (both spoken and unspoken).
Here are a few I hope get through:

~Don't rush to grow up; there is no rewind feature for life.
~Just be a kid; allow yourself that indulgence.
~Study hard. School is valuable, even if it doesn't seem like it now.
~Laugh. Laugh hard and often.
~Cry. Cry whenever you want and for as long as you want. It's perfectly acceptable.
~Make lots of different kinds of friends. Don't put all your focus on only one friend. Learn when they aren't your friend anymore and let them go.
~Make your own choices; even the difficult ones.
~Ask for help. You are not alone in this life.
~Forgive. Forgive yourself and forgive others.
~Trust. Trust us to support you in every way. Learn how and when to trust others.
~Love. Love yourself. Love others. Love yourself some more. Love life.
~Have fun! Have so much fun you have to sort through the stories when you recount them to your children and grandchildren because telling them all would take too long.

My end of the bargain:

~I will let you "just be a kid". In fact, I will fight for it. Even when that makes you angry. At the same time allowing you to grow up...I know that is, and will continue to be, the hardest part.
~I will still check your homework and keep up with your teachers and be involved in your life. I will encourage you to do her best, and understand and accept when you have.
~I will laugh hard. And often. Even when its embarrassing and inappropriate.
~I will cry; showing you that it is perfectly acceptable to do so.
~I will have a variety of friends. And be an example of how to let them go...healthily.
~I will make the difficult choices. And the easy ones. And own them.
~I will show you how to ask for help. And how to be okay with it.
~I will work on forgiveness, and understand that nobody is perfect, not even me. (Maybe I'll learn how to forgive myself in the process.)
~I will continue to learn how to trust. Even trust myself.
~I will love you! Unconditionally. Forever.
~We will have fun! I will have fun with you, around you and even without you. But rest assured, fun will be had. There will be stories to recount to you; and when you ask a million times, I will continue to repeat them.

Happy Birthday, my amazing, beautiful Girl.
I love you.

Now, I gotta go...I have promises to keep.
And 365 days to keep at bay.

Wordless Wednesday ~ Like Glass

We Heart Kisses ~ Double Duty

This post serves double duty!

I have been meaning to post pictures of the kids from our Valentine's Day mini sessions...I was doing other clients' photos so I photographed my kids as well. :) Then I visited I Heart Faces today and this week's photo challenge is "We Heart Kisses", so it was just the swift kick in the patootie that I apparently needed. So, now you get to see them and I get to enter the challenge.

This one is for I Heart Faces (that's where the double duty comes in, remember?) this So here is my entry for the challenge:

The boy really does love her...he's just going through a stage where, because he knows she hates it, he won't bestow any lip kisses for her (or allow her to give him any!), and physically turns her face (or in this case, he turns HIS face away) so he can have access to her cheek. She laughed so hard! As did the rest of us! Then the "aaaahhhh" and "ooooh! so sweet" comments ensued when he planted a big one on her cheek.

And this one...is a bonus for your viewing pleasure. Just because it is one of my favorites of the day -- and I like you. :)

I'll post more later...probably on Valentine's Day. :)

Educational Eavesdrop

It's rare that the Girl say something embarrassingly funny.
Or should I say it used to be?
She will be twelve in a couple weeks and every day brings us closer to teenager-hood (including catching on to the naughty innuendo, jumping in on conversations and truly understanding adult conversations...to name a few).
Can you hear all the excitement in those statements?
No?
That's a shame, because I swear it's there.

So with all the pre-teen angst and attitude and experiences we've had lately, this shining gem fell right into my lap today. And I was happy once again.

While visiting with a rarely seen friend today, the Boy was going incredibly ape-shit. Crying jag, then happy, then crazy, then gloomy...the conversation went just like this:

Me (laughing, of course): that boy is bipolar today! Jeez.
Kenny laughs.
The Girl (accusingly and shocked): Mo-om!
Me (confused as to why she would sound like I said something AWFUL): What?
The Girl: he is NOT!
Kenny and I exchange confused glances; I'm thinking there must be some kind of misunderstanding here...so I ask...oh, yes, I ask.
Me (addressing the Girl): What do you think "bipolar" means?
The Girl (mortified that I would ask, apparently): you knooooow, that he likes boys and girls.
Needless to say (but I will anyway), Kenny and I bust up laughing.
Me (between gut wrenching laughs): I think you mean bisexual.
The Girl: Oh. Yeah.

And more laughing from us all, while the Boy looks on confused as to why we are laughing so hard. And explaining, that while there is nothing wrong with being bisexual or bipolar, these two things are VERY different.
To which Kenny then says something along the lines of "not really, both take you up and down...wait, I didn't mean it like that...like "one day 'now I like boys'; and the next day 'now I like girls...oh, nevermind"

I am sure that 'bipolar' will be substituted in A LOT in future conversations. Because that was hilarious!