I have shared excerpts from a daily meditation book here before. I don't make a habit of it as I don't feel I need to shove what works for me down everyone's throats.
That said, the entry from a few days ago was so profound, perfectly timed and needed for me at the time that I haven't been able to get it out of my head. Maybe if I share it here, with you, I will be able to accept it a little more...
Getting it all Out
Let yourself have a good gripe session ~ Women, Sex and Addiction, Charlotte Davis Kasl, Ph.D.
Get it out. Go ahead. Get it all out. Once we begin recovery, we may feel like it's not okay to gripe and complain. We may tell ourselves that if we were really working a good program, we wouldn't need to complain.
What does that mean? We won't have feelings? We won't feel overwhelmed? We won't need to blow off steam or work through some not-so-pleasant, not-so-perfect, and not-so-pretty parts of life?
We can let ourselves get our feelings out, take risks, and be vulnerable with others. We don't have to be all put together, all the time. That sounds more like codependency than recovery.
Getting it all out doesn't mean we need to be victims. It doesn't mean we need to revel in our misery, finding status in our martyrdom. It doesn't mean we won't go on to set boundaries. It doesn't mean we won't take care of ourselves.
Sometimes, getting it all out is an essential part of taking care of ourselves. We reach a point of surrender so we can move forward.
Self-disclosure does not mean only quietly reporting our feelings. It means we occasionally take the risk to share our human side - the side with fears, sadness, hurt, rage, unreasonable anger, weariness or lack of faith.
We can let our humanity show. In the process, we give others permission to be human too. "Together" people have their not-so-together moments. Sometimes, falling apart - getting it all out - is how we get put back together.
Today, I will let it all out if I need a release.
~~~The Language of Letting Go, Melodie Beattie
So, there you have it. Now, maybe I can get some peace. I will continue to work hard to not feel bad when I do vent; to accept that my friends are accepting, that when they say it's okay for me to vent, I hope to someday not still feel the need to say "I'm sorry".