Disenchantment

Disenchant: to free from illusion or false belief; undeceive

Complete acceptance of the understanding that someone is never going to be who you NEED or WANT them to be is the hardest hurdle to drag yourself over. There is no jumping or leaping or flying over this hurdle. I have to completely drag myself over it, one limb at a time. Now that I have, it isn't any easier or nicer on the other side of that hurdle. It is just as sad, just as scary and just as disappointing.

When this person is a parent, it adds to the feeling of abandonment. Realizing that you are the only one able to rescue yourself is just as disappointing. There is definitely something to be said for an external support system, but when you grow up with the false belief that a parent is the one person that will always be there for you in whatever capacity you need, then as an adult you become disenchanted with the fable...it's incredibly depressing.

I struggled for many years doing everything I could think of to make my parent, my...well...parent. I have come to terms, truly, with the fact that I no longer need that parent that was never really the parent I thought they were in the first place.

So today, the little girl in me...lets the illusion go. Disenchantment can be a positive, I suppose...