Thursday, February 5, 2009

Being Alright with Falling Behind

Disclaimer: this post is not full of sunshine and daisies, but maybe by the end I will have come up with something entertaining, heartfelt and maybe a little inspirational.

That is certainly the area I need a lot of help in this week my friends.
I bet you thought I didn't love you anymore. I do. Really.
I am still just trying to adjust, ya know? Adjust to a new schedule, a new bedtime, a new routine for everyone in my household.

And I am not used to it yet.

I am not adjusted.

Most days, I feel pulled in so many directions I am unsure of where to start conquering all the tasks and duties I have convinced myself must be conquered. Then, when I force myself to use the tools at my disposal, center myself and take a giant leap back and just take in the situation from a different, calmer perspective, I realize, the only person tugging at me...is me.

So doesn't that mean that the only person who can change the situation is also...me?

I beat myself up over the smallest things. Whether the kids got baths today, whether the laundry is folded or just hanging out waiting for it's third de-wrinkling cycle in the dryer, whether I have expressed to my family that I love them and appreciate them, whether I have blogged, taken a photo today, have I written in my journal...boy the list just goes on and on. I have this ongoing list in my head of things that just HAVE to get done. Yet, when I attempt to think about the things I actually HAVE accomplished, that list is harder to compile. I can't give myself credit for the things I am able to conquer.

That is what I want to change. I want to be okay with just living. I want to feel like it is alright if I don't get everything done on my list, if I fall behind. I want to feel like my world isn't crashing in on me choking out my every breath if I forget one...small...thing.

Deep, deep down, in my heart, I know its okay if I'm not perfect; I just want my head to believe it too.

Today, all I can tell you for certain is that one day I will find, outside of my heart, that inner peace, that sanity, that serenity...

So, I leave you with this handy little excerpt from "The Language of Letting Go", because today...I found it helpful and intriguing.

Enjoying Recovery
What a journey!
This process of growth and change takes us along an ever-changing road. Sometimes the way is hard and craggy. Sometimes we climb mountains. Sometimes we slide down the other side on a toboggan.
Sometimes we rest.
Sometimes we grope through the darkness. Sometimes we're blinded by the sunlight.
At times many may walk with us on the road; sometimes we feel nearly alone.
Ever changing, always interesting, always leading someplace better, someplace good.
What a journey!

Today, my Higher Power, help me relax and enjoy the scenery. Help me know I'm right where I need to be on my journey.

And, I put a hand to my heart in hopes that you are right where you are supposed to be on your journey at this very moment...

2 comments:

Juicey said...

Thanks Dana. That was well timed and perfect for today. Except I think I would change my title to "being alright with crying." It seems as though the only cure is to live in the moment, embrace it and live.

"Seattle" Heather said...

We love you anyway. Now get rid of that damn word verification...some other bloggers told me its bad ju ju