Disclaimer: this post is not full of sunshine and daisies, but maybe by the end I will have come up with something entertaining, heartfelt and maybe a little inspirational.
That is certainly the area I need a lot of help in this week my friends.
I bet you thought I didn't love you anymore. I do. Really.
I am still just trying to adjust, ya know? Adjust to a new schedule, a new bedtime, a new routine for everyone in my household.
And I am not used to it yet.
I am not adjusted.
Most days, I feel pulled in so many directions I am unsure of where to start conquering all the tasks and duties I have convinced myself must be conquered. Then, when I force myself to use the tools at my disposal, center myself and take a giant leap back and just take in the situation from a different, calmer perspective, I realize, the only person tugging at me...is me.
So doesn't that mean that the only person who can change the situation is also...me?
I beat myself up over the smallest things. Whether the kids got baths today, whether the laundry is folded or just hanging out waiting for it's third de-wrinkling cycle in the dryer, whether I have expressed to my family that I love them and appreciate them, whether I have blogged, taken a photo today, have I written in my journal...boy the list just goes on and on. I have this ongoing list in my head of things that just HAVE to get done. Yet, when I attempt to think about the things I actually HAVE accomplished, that list is harder to compile. I can't give myself credit for the things I am able to conquer.
That is what I want to change. I want to be okay with just living. I want to feel like it is alright if I don't get everything done on my list, if I fall behind. I want to feel like my world isn't crashing in on me choking out my every breath if I forget one...small...thing.
Deep, deep down, in my heart, I know its okay if I'm not perfect; I just want my head to believe it too.
Today, all I can tell you for certain is that one day I will find, outside of my heart, that inner peace, that sanity, that serenity...
So, I leave you with this handy little excerpt from "The Language of Letting Go", because today...I found it helpful and intriguing.
What a journey!
This process of growth and change takes us along an ever-changing road. Sometimes the way is hard and craggy. Sometimes we climb mountains. Sometimes we slide down the other side on a toboggan.
Sometimes we rest.
Sometimes we grope through the darkness. Sometimes we're blinded by the sunlight.
At times many may walk with us on the road; sometimes we feel nearly alone.
Ever changing, always interesting, always leading someplace better, someplace good.
What a journey!
Today, my Higher Power, help me relax and enjoy the scenery. Help me know I'm right where I need to be on my journey.
And, I put a hand to my heart in hopes that you are right where you are supposed to be on your journey at this very moment...